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Hey there and welcome back!

Recently I listened to a podcast episode (the Guest was Peter Crone) that discussed (in part) the Ego.  I enjoyed the way they described it, but I want to take that and put my own “twist” on what the Ego is, what it looks like, etc.  

As I began, let me quickly say that after many years of study and reading (Eastern philosophies, Guru’s, Shaman’s, etc.) this is my current foundation and the way I am approaching.  So please keep that in mind as you read further.

Ego – The Yin-Yang Philosophy

Picture the ego as a cosmic seesaw, balancing the bright, healthy “white” side (Yang) with the shadowy, unhealthy “black” side (Yin). When these forces vibe in harmony, you’re living your best life. But when one side takes over? Yikes—things can get wobbly fast! Let’s break it down in a fun, simple way to understand what a healthy ego looks like versus its not-so-chill counterpart.

The Yang Side: The Healthy, Radiant Ego 

The “white” side of the ego is like a sunny day at the beach—confident, vibrant, and full of good vibes. A healthy ego is your inner cheerleader, helping you shine without stepping on anyone else’s toes. It can be your confidence, but we must be careful!  Here’s what it looks like:

Self-Confidence, Not Arrogance: A healthy ego says, “I’m awesome, and so are you!” It’s believing in your strengths while staying humble. Think of it as strutting your stuff but still cheering for others. In other words, just because you have the skill (in martial arts) to take someone down and win the match doesn’t mean you’re the best. There is ALWAYS something to learn.

Embraces Growth: This ego loves learning. It’s cool with making mistakes because it sees them as stepping stones to awesomeness. Forgot the lines in your big presentation? No sweat—healthy ego says, “Next time, I’ll nail it!” The Yang avoids self-talk such as, “I suck and I can’t do this.” The Yang is okay to realize the growth area and quickly focuses on that – rather than defeat. The healthy Yang ALSO understands that just because this is the way I think or feel or am happy, means that others have the right to their own way of learning, how to feel or what makes THEM happy.  When we project our own YANG onto someone, it quickly turns from WHITE to BLACK! Game over!

Connects with Others: A Yang ego builds bridges, not walls. It listens, empathizes, and values relationships. It’s the friend who celebrates your wins and holds your hand through the losses. In other words, this includes both the friend and yourself. This is a BOTH thing!  Listening, empathizing, relationship with yourself AND others!

Grounded in Authenticity: This ego knows who it is—no masks needed. It’s comfortable in its own skin, whether you’re rocking a power suit or pajamas with pizza stains. It is the Padawan fetching and carrying water….and the Jedi Master fetching and carrying water.

In short, a healthy ego is like a warm, glowing light—it lifts you up, keeps you grounded, and spreads good energy to everyone around you.

The Yin Side: The Unhealthy, Shadowy Ego 

Now, let’s flip to the “black” side—the unhealthy ego. This is the ego that’s like a stormy night, all thunder and no chill. When the ego tips too far into Yin, it’s all about self-obsession, insecurity, or straight-up chaos. Here’s the vibe:

Arrogance or Insecurity: The unhealthy ego swings between “I’m better than everyone” and “I’m the worst.” It’s either puffing itself up to feel superior or shrinking into a puddle of self-doubt. Think Kanye-level bragging one day and hiding under the covers the next. Seriously!  This also portrays the Narcissist behavior.  They are so insecure, they puff out their chest.  The funny things…is they believe they are just confident!  Hilarious how that works!

Fear of Failure: This ego clings to perfection like a life raft. Mistakes? Unacceptable! It avoids risks, stalls growth, and throws a tantrum when things don’t go its way. Ever heard of gaslighting?  Yes, this is the dark side of the Ego. 

Isolates Others: An unhealthy ego builds walls, not bridges. It’s too busy proving itself to connect deeply. It might belittle others to feel big or ghost people to avoid vulnerability.

Fake It ‘Til You Break It: This ego wears masks to hide its true self. It’s obsessed with appearances—think endless selfies or name-dropping to seem important. Deep down, it’s scared of being “found out.”

The unhealthy ego is like a dark cloud—it blocks your light, alienates others, and keeps you stuck in a cycle of drama.

Finding the Yin-Yang Balance 

In Yin-Yang philosophy, life is about balance. The ego isn’t good or bad—it’s about how you wield it. A healthy ego blends the confidence of Yang with the humility of Yin. Here’s how to keep your ego surfing the balanced wave:

Check Yourself: Notice when your ego’s acting extra. Are you bragging to feel better? Hiding to avoid criticism? Pause and ask, “Is this my healthy ego talking, or the stormy one?”

Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself like a bestie. Celebrate your wins, but don’t beat yourself up over flops. A balanced ego forgives and moves forward. The healthy Ego wants and seeks balance.

Connect, Don’t Compete: Share the spotlight. Listen to others, celebrate their successes, and let go of the need to one-up anyone.

Stay Curious: Embrace growth like it’s a treasure hunt. A balanced ego loves learning, whether it’s a new skill or a hard life lesson.

Ride the Wave, Baby! 

Your ego’s like a surfboard—it can carry you to epic heights or wipe you out if you’re not careful. By embracing the Yin-Yang flow, you can cultivate a healthy ego that shines bright (Yang) while staying humble and connected (Yin). So, next time your ego starts acting like a diva or a wallflower, take a deep breath, find your balance, and ride the wave of your awesome, authentic self.

Keep shining, keep growing, and keep it real! 

Until next time,

Aaron Nicolaides, PhD, LCSW