Blog Posts

Self care is a form of self love.  By saying “my well-being and needs matter” we can practice self love.  Self care comes in may forms.  At the most basic form it comes from meeting our basic needs.  These include physiological needs like food, water, sleep, movement, etc.  It is crucial to recognize and be aware if you are neglecting basic physiological needs.  I can’t practice self love or self care to the best of my ability if I am hungry or tired.  After basic needs have been met, other forms of self care like mental, emotional, social, and spiritual self care are easier to address.  

There is a concept about a hierarchy of needs each person has.  Created by Abraham Maslow it is referred to as Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  It is most often seen as a pyramid.  No surprise that the bottom level of this pyramid is our physiological needs.  For all intents and purposes, this means that unless our basic needs are being met we can’t move up the pyramid.  After our basic physiological needs are met the next step is safety and security.  This includes health, finances, having a place to sleep, and feeling safe in your environment.  So that means I am going to have difficulty having love and connection if I don’t feel safe in my environment, this can come from trauma, physical safety concerns, and feeling emotionally unsafe.  This is where things like therapy, biofeedback, and energy work that our office offers can be helpful.

Once we have our physiological needs and security needs met we can start to work on love and belonging.  This includes connections to other people, connection to ourselves, friendships, romantic relationships, social, and community groups.  At the fourth level is self-esteem.  This is when we start to look for respect, self acceptance, and appreciation.  

At the peak of hierarchy are self actualization needs.  Self-actualizing people are the people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others, and interested in fulfilling their potential.

So.. you may be asking what all this has to do with self love and self care?  First of all, self care is a form of meeting our needs, and these needs start at the bottom of the pyramid with physiological needs.  Right now you may feel like you are in survival mode of some kind, whether that is because you are in a hard season as a parent, at a stressful job, or living with trauma or the effects of trauma, it is ok to accept that sometimes this is where we are at.  Basic needs have to be met first.  

Sometimes self care for me is getting enough sleep and eating enough throughout the day, sometimes it is making sure to move my body and exercise.  Sometimes when my basic needs have been met, self care may be rewarding myself with a purchase of some kind, getting a pedicure, seeing people I have connections with like dates or socializing.  

I love Brene Brown and her ideas on self love and self-actualization.  We tend to think of self-love as something (like happiness) that comes after self-actualization–you like yourself because you have accomplished X, Y, and Z goals, be they professional, personal, or spiritual.  Brown argues that’s backward. If you want to make the most of your abilities and become the most self-actualized version of yourself you can, then you actually have to love yourself first. 

When I look at ways to enhance self love they can include being more self-aware and mindful of the present.  This means being more in tune with my thoughts, feelings, and wants.  One way to help increase self-awareness and mindfulness is through meditation practices.  This can include body scans, it can include guided meditations, it can include asking yourself what you are feeling and why, some people journal to help them gain more self-awareness.  Other ways to practice self love is practicing self care, meeting your Hierarchy of Needs at whatever level you are at currently.  Setting boundaries is a form of self care (we will talk about boundaries later this month), practicing self forgiveness and self acceptance.  

– Emilie Barragan, LCSW