Blog Posts

Relationships, can’t live with them, can’t live without them, am I right?  One of my favorite concepts to teach with relationships is “the bullseye.”  If we compare our relationships to a bullseye each relationship falls somewhere on the dart board.  The goal is to have the relationships we invest the most in to be in the middle of the bullseye.  

This is how I explain relationships using a bullseye concept.  The outermost ring, the furthest away from the center is everyone in our life – this is ring 5.  Ring 4 is who I consider acquaintances.  This definition looks different depending on the person but this can include neighbors, co-workers, people we are friendly with but not a friend, extended family we never see or really know.  Ring 3 is for friends/family.  This can include friends we have things in common with but aren’t our “go to” people, family who we see but aren’t close with, or people who require boundaries and need to be kept a distance.  This may be because we have learned they aren’t safe people, haven’t always been supportive, don’t meet our needs, or have taken advantage of us.  Boundaries is a whole other subject for another blog post.  Continuing on, Ring 2 is close people, this can include family, it can include friends, it can include children, or even co-workers depending on your relationship.  Ring 1 is our bullseye people.  These are the people that we are closest to.  This ring usually contains 1-4 people.  These are the people that are “ride or die.”  They are the people that know our deepest secrets, the people we call when we need help, the people who are our biggest supports, some people put a higher power in this ring.    

When I am doing a bullseye exercise with my clients I have them explore who in their life they put in each ring of their bullseye.  This allows us to explore their most significant relationships, if there are areas they are lacking support, and if they may need some boundaries to keep relationships in the ring they fit in.  By exploring where people fit in the bullseye it helps us gain insight into what qualities we think are most important in relationships.  There is not right or wrong answer when it comes to relationships.  Just because you have parents, siblings, friends; doesn’t mean they have to be in our bullseye or close people.  If there is trauma, lack of support, lack of communication, lack of connection, lack of time spent, lack of honesty or anything else that hurts relationships, boundaries may be necessary.  

Stay tuned for more on boundaries, in the meantime if you need help with relationships, lack of support, or boundary setting; our therapists are a great resource to start.  We offer free 15 minute phone consultations to determine if we are the best fit for you.  

Emilie Barragan, LCSW