Blog Posts

Hello friends, welcome back to the blog.  Today I want to talk about the topic of self worth.  Building self-worth involves recognizing your value, challenging negative thoughts, and focusing on personal growth. It’s about developing a sense of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love.  Self-worth is the internal sense that you are valuable and worthy of love and belonging, regardless of external achievements or circumstances.  Self-worth differs from self-esteem, which can fluctuate based on external validation.  We will explore self-esteem further in a different blog.  

Self-worth vs self-esteem comes up a lot in therapy.  A lot of people I talk to struggle with self esteem and look for external validation to help determine how they feel and if they value themselves.  

The self-worth pyramid is a model that suggests building self-worth through three core components: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love. It emphasizes developing a sense of self-worth from within, rather than basing it on external factors like achievements or appearance.  A common theme I hear in therapy is that people often rely more on the external factors and have a harder time focusing within and creating that sense of value and worth from an internal place.  

Self-worth is crucial for overall well-being, impacting mental health, relationships, and even career success. A strong sense of self-worth, or believing in your own value and abilities, can lead to increased confidence, better decision-making, and the ability to set and achieve goals. It also fosters healthier relationships by enabling better communication, stronger boundaries, and less reliance on external validation. 

We build our sense of self–worth from the inside–by getting to know who we already are, who we desire to be, and who we have the potential to become.  The pyramid of self worth helps emphasize the pillars to use to help build self-worth.

Self-Awareness: This involves understanding your strengths, weaknesses, values, and everything that makes you who you are. It’s about being honest with yourself about your qualities and how you react to situations. 

For many people self-awareness can be difficult.  It can be a challenge to be willing to take a hard look at ourselves for everything we are, including the good and the bad.  Fear often plays a role in blocking self-awareness.  This can be due to feeling worse about ourselves by becoming more self aware, seeing the need for change and finding change scary, and fearing we will see something we don’t like if we dig too deep.  Self-awareness requires courage. Self-awareness opens us up to the truth, and that gives us the opportunity we need to accept that truth, the result can be peace.

Here are some strategies to start practicing self-awareness.

1. Practice non-judgement.  Self-awareness is not self-judgment. It’s looking, and seeing, and discovering who you really are.

2. Take a look at who you are.  Ask yourself, “Who am I?” Then, listen. You will likely hear all kinds of answers–from the outward descriptions, take your time and listen to what your heart is continually whispering about you.

3. Now take a closer look at how you are and how you show up. Ask, “How am I?” I’m not talking about how you feel; I’m talking about how you are in the world–with other people, in your daily life, and relationships.  How do other people see you? What strengths or weaknesses have you seen through other people’s eyes? What have other people said about you from which you might learn something? 

4. See your weaknesses.  See the things with which you struggle. See the areas that need more work.  Remember, weaknesses do not make you a weak person. They make you human. With time and work, your weaknesses can become your greatest strengths. 

5. See your strengths.  I can’t tell you how many times I have asked someone in a session to tell me 3 strengths they have and it can take the whole session to get them to answer 1-2.  Some of us struggle more to see our strengths than our weaknesses. Some reject compliments or any words of kindness or praise.  Search out your strengths. They are your best assets–the ones you’ll eventually want to develop and share with the world. Seeing your strengths is an important part of self-awareness, for they are an important part of who you are and who you are destined to become.

Self-Acceptance: This means accepting yourself with your flaws and imperfections, recognizing that everyone has them. It’s about embracing your whole self, not just the parts you like.  Self-acceptance allows us to simply be who we really are.  Self-acceptance, at its core, is a choice. It’s a decision we make about ourselves.  Self-acceptance is a process.  It is a daily—sometimes moment-by-moment—choice we make. It is a lifelong process, and it is unconditional. As we work to accept who we are, we open ourselves up to self-love. 

Here are some questions to ask yourself, they will help you better understand how accepting you are, and what might be holding you back.

• What is most authentic about you?
• What is your greatest fear?
• What do you most fear people will find out about you?
• What do you wish people knew about you?
• When do you feel most truly yourself?
• Who are you without your mask on, without your “persona,” without your ego?
• What gets you in touch with your spirit?
• What makes you feel alive?

Self-Love: This involves cherishing and appreciating yourself, treating yourself with kindness and compassion. It’s about building a positive relationship with yourself, flaws and all.  The main components of practicing self-love are practicing self-care, self-compassion, self-kindness, and letting others love you. 

1. Self-care: taking care of yourself is important.  If you know me then you know I will quote Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs which starts with our basic needs.  Practicing self-care involves quality sleep and eating food that helps you feel healthy and strong.  

2. Self-compassion: When we exhibit self-compassion, we choose to think and feel kindly toward ourselves, despite our suffering and mistakes. It allows us to see we’re just like everyone else

3. Self-kindness involves doing nice things for yourself.  A good question to ask is, “What would I do to show kindness to someone else?” Then, do that for yourself. 

Self Worth and self esteem are both valuable.  Self-worth is more highly emphasizes in therapy due to it being about “I am good enough” vs “other people make me feel good enough.”  Self esteem will be explored further in another blog.   The self worth pyramid helps emphasize the 3 core components to help build self-worth. 

Thanks for reading, until next time.

Emilie Barragan, LCSW

Therapeuo Health – “Tackling physical and emotional pain” 

Reference: https://www.drchristinahibbert.com/the-pyramid-of-self-worth-practice-self-awareness-video/