Blog Posts

Hi everyone and welcome back!

During this time of year, it is common for clients to come to talk about “yearly” trauma that gets triggered.  These are things that have happened in the past (during this time of year) and they are struggling to move through the energy of it so that they can enjoy the the holidays to a greater degree.

So let’s dive in and talk about some ways you may be able to use it in your own life!

You’re allowed to feel shattered

Trauma can leave us convinced that “getting better” is for other people, that we’re too broken, too tired, or that it’s already too late. The truth is: recovery doesn’t require heroic energy or perfect conditions. It only asks for tiny, repeatable acts of kindness toward yourself—acts so small they feel possible even on the worst days.

Here are some of the simplest, evidence-informed ways to begin, ranked roughly from “I can do this while lying in bed” to “I can attempt this on a slightly better day.”

Regulate Your Nervous System (The absolute basics)

5-5-7 breathing: Inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 5, exhale for 7. Do it 4–6 times. It tells your vagus nerve “the danger has passed” without requiring you to believe it yet.

Hand on heart + hand on belly: Physical touch releases oxytocin and lowers cortisol. Even 30 seconds helps.

Hum or sing a low note: The vibrations stimulate the vagus nerve. You don’t have to sound good—just make the sound.

Create One Square Foot of Safety

When the whole world feels threatening, shrink the goal. Make your bed, one corner of the couch, or the passenger seat of your car a “safe zone.” Add something soft, a comforting smell (lavender, vanilla, whatever doesn’t trigger you), and a texture you like (I LOVE a “Minky blanket!). Return there when everything feels too big.

Move the Body—Micro Version

You don’t always need a workout. Trauma lives in the body, so tiny movements discharge it:

Shake your arms and legs for 30 seconds (animals do this naturally after danger).

Stand up and sit down once.

Roll your shoulders or gently turn your head side to side.

Any movement you can do without self-criticism counts.

Name What Happened—In the Smallest Possible Way

You do NOT have to tell the whole story yet. Try:

“Something bad happened and my body is still reacting.”

“I’m having a trauma response right now from the past, and it is not happening today.”

“This simple labeling (discovered by Dr. Dan Siegel and backed by fMRI studies) lowers activity in the amygdala within seconds.

Borrow Someone Else’s Nervous System (Safely)

Text a friend one emoji ( or ). You don’t have to explain.

Talk to a friend or loved one who can understand and provide you the “space” to heal and relax.

Watch a YouTube video, a movie, or show of a calm person the does a really good job of looking at stress and managing it well.

Listen to a guided “resource” meditation (look up “polyvagal exercises” or “ways to simply relax with ease” —many are under 5 minutes).

Co-regulation is biological; you’re not “weak” for needing it.

One Sensory Pleasure Per Day—No Matter How Small

Light a candle that smells good. Eat something crunchy. Wrap yourself in a weighted blanket. Put on socks fresh from the dryer. Take a warm or hot bath or shower. Pleasure re-teaches the brain that the world still contains good things. 

The 3-3-3 Grounding Trick (When You’re Dissociating or Flashback-ing)

Name:

3 things you can see

3 sounds you can hear

3 parts of your body you can move

It pulls you out of the past and into the present without forcing positivity.

Stop “Should-ing” Yourself into Exhaustion

Thoughts like “I should be over this by now” or “I should journal/meditate/exercise” or “I should be stronger than this” create a second layer of harm. Replace with:

“It makes sense that I feel this way.”

“My only job today is to keep breathing and stay alive.”

“Even though I’m struggling, I am making some progress and learning to relax.”

Self-compassion predicts recovery better than almost any other factor (Kristin Neff’s research).

Get Professional Help in Whatever Size You Can Manage

Speak to someone who can truly help you focus on the reality of the situation, perhaps reframe the past into something positive or a learning experience, and who can also provide some heart felt encouragement.

EMDR or somatic experiencing can be profoundly helpful for trauma, but even basic supportive counseling lowers symptoms.

Celebrate Micro-Wins Ruthlessly

Ate some food or drank a glass of water? Win.

Got out of bed to pee instead of using a bottle? Win.

Took a shower?  Win.

Did some things you needed to, but wasn’t entirely present? Win.

Cried without judging yourself? Huge win.

Recovery is not a straight line up; it’s a messy scribble that trends, very slowly, toward more okay days.

You don’t have to feel hopeful yet.

You only have to do the next gentle thing. And then the next gentle thing after that. You’ve already survived the worst parts—you’re still here.

That resilience is the seed everything else grows from, even when it feels like nothing is growing at all. 

You’re not behind.

You’re not too broken.

You’re not alone.

One breath, one kind moment, one tiny step at a time. I’m rooting for you.

Sometimes, when we only have 10% to give, and we give all we have, that is giving 100% that day!

Friends, you truly deserve to heal—and healing is already trying to happen inside you, even on the days it feels impossible.

Until next time,

Aaron Nicolaides, Ph.D., LCSW

Therapeuo Health “Tackling physical and emotional pain”