Blog Posts

Hey friends, welcome back to the blog.  Today I want to talk about control.  

Control – What is it?

A common definition of control is “the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.”  The topic of control comes up a lot in therapy.  People want to be able to control themselves through emotional regulation, control others to maintain their own safety and stability, or try to control outcomes in order to reduce stress.  People may feel the need to control situations and others due to a fear of uncertainty and the unknown, a desire for predictability, and a need to feel safe and secure.  Sometime a need for control can be heightened due to unresolved trauma, anxiety, or a lack of self-confidence.  It can even get to the point of controlling behaviors to cope with difficult emotions or feel a sense of power.  

My question for you is, “Do you spend more time trying to control yourself or control others and things around you?”  It’s not uncommon in therapy to hear that people either feel out of control or they spend more time worried about others and trying to control outcomes.  

Internal Locus of Control

There is a concept about control that there is an internal locus of control and external locus of control. Internal locus of control is the belief that one’s own actions and efforts directly influence the outcomes in their life. Individuals with a strong internal locus of control tend to believe they are in control of outcomes in their life.  An external locus of control is a belief that one’s life is largely controlled by outside forces, such as luck, fate, or other people, rather than by one’s own actions and decisions.  People with strong external locus of control feel less in control of their own lives.   

Illusion of Control

Sometimes people tend to overestimate their control over situations, a phenomenon known as the “illusion of control.”  Illusion of control refers to the tendency for people to overestimate their ability to influence outcomes, even when those outcomes are largely determined by chance or external factors. This bias can lead people to believe they have more control over a situation than they actually do, and it can affect various aspects of life, including decision-making and how we perceive our own actions and their consequences.  People with an external locus of control are more prone to an illusion of control.  This comes up often in therapy when people believe they have no control over negative circumstances they experience, no responsibility to overcome trauma, and no control over how other people and their circumstances may impact their life.  This can lead to a sense of helplessness and a lack of motivation to change their circumstances.  When attempting to control uncontrollable events, people may experience frustration, anxiety, and even anger as they encounter setbacks or failures.

Managing Control

Healthy control involves having a sense of agency and the ability to influence your own life and environment while also respecting others autonomy.  Having a belief in your capacity to achieve your desired outcomes and avoiding unwanted outcomes is also part of a healthy sense of control.  This may include setting boundaries, making conscious choices, and managing expectations, instead of focusing on trying to control external factors or other people.  Conscious choices includes being aware that your choices are part of your outcome.   To stop letting others control your emotions, focus on understanding and managing your own emotional responses. This involves practicing self-awareness, setting boundaries, and taking responsibility for your own feelings. 

Control has a place and can help us increase our belief in ourselves and our ability to influence the outcomes in our lives. Using it to control others and situations that don’t positively influence outcomes is where it can become problematic and lead to more negative outcomes.  

Thanks for reading, until next time.

Emilie Barragan, LCSW 

“Tackling emotional and physical pain.” – Therapeuo Health