Blog Posts

Hi everyone and welcome back.  Today I want to discuss something that often comes up with clients during therapy.  Clients will ask, “Do you think (insert name) is a narcissist?”  Well, that’s a very loaded question that can be challenging to answer.  However, this type of personality is more common that people are led to believe.  In the realm of psychology and mental health, one term that often surfaces is “narcissism.” But what exactly does it entail? What distinguishes healthy self-esteem from pathological narcissism? 

In this blog post, I will discuss the definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), exploring its defining characteristics and traits, underlying causes, and its impact on individuals, relationships and society. 

Defining Narcissism:  Narcissism, derived from the Greek myth of Narcissus, refers to an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one’s physical appearance. While a healthy level of self-confidence and self-love is essential for well-being, narcissism becomes problematic when it reaches pathological levels. Individuals with NPD exhibit a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a major lack of empathy for others. They will often attempt to control others in some type of abusive cycle of highs and lows – regardless of the emotions or mental state (or situation) of others around them.  

The Narcissistic Personality:  What typically sets individuals with NPD apart is their inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement. They often exaggerate their achievements and talents, expecting special treatment and recognition from others. These people love to be seen, heard and often highlight their achievements to others around them.  Beneath this facade of confidence lies fragile and very low self-esteem, easily threatened by criticism or perceived slights. Consequently, they may react with rage or disdain towards those who challenge their superiority.  Or, they may run and hide when confronted or escape as soon as possible to avoid the inner emotional and/or mental pain.

The Roots of Narcissism:  What causes NPD?  Understanding the origins of narcissism requires exploring both environmental and psychological factors. Childhood experiences play a crucial role, with factors such as excessive praise or criticism, neglect, or abuse contributing to the development of NPD.  Often, a parent can be found with the same traits or personality disorder. Additionally, some researchers suggest a biological component, such as genetic predispositions or differences in brain structure and function.  Regardless, their low self-esteem will always be a major factor in why they behave and believe they way they view life, others and their self-gratification. 

The Impact of Narcissism:  Narcissism extends beyond individual behavior, influencing interpersonal relationships, professional environments, and societal dynamics. In personal relationships, narcissists may engage in manipulation, exploitation, and emotional abuse, leaving their partners feeling invalidated and powerless.  They often twist their words, “gas light” others, and do not own their own behaviors.  Hearing the NPD say things such as, “I’m sorry” or “owning” their behaviors, does not typically happen.  If they own it, they will quickly shift to a “blame” mode (i.e. I did this because…you did this or that, etc.).  In relationships and in life, they seldom understand the impact of their behaviors on others.  Their true aim is to control you and every situation they (and you) are in.  In the workplace, their grandiose demeanor may alienate colleagues and hinder teamwork, ultimately undermining organizational success.

Treatment and Healing:  While treating NPD presents challenges due to the individual’s resistance to acknowledging their own shortcomings, some types of therapy can offer a path towards self-awareness and change.  Personally, I am not a fan of just using what is known as Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), psychodynamic approaches.  Research would suggest that probably the best approach may be with neurofeedback – although I have not witnessed that working that great to be honest.  However, progress often hinges on the individual’s willingness to engage in therapy and confront their own vulnerabilities.  Herein lies the problem, very few every reach the point of recognizing there is a problem – especially with them being the problem.  So in other words, don’t hold your breath on them changing too much. 

The Victim’s Side:   I would fail in this blog if I didn’t address what a victim experiences from their interactions with a person who truly has either NPD traits or a disorder.  The victim (usually my client) will say things such as, “I thought I was the crazy one” or “They make me feel crazy and I can’t think straight” or “I can’t believe they manipulated me so much.”  In other words, when dealing with a NPD, it is common to feel like you are the problem – when in fact that is not true!  Victims will “walk on egg shells”, not have a strong trusting relationship and often feel they are “alone” in the relationship.  

My advice?  Be very careful with a person with NPD and just realize that if you are trying to “change” them, this will probably not happen, ever.  This can be sad to realize and experience, but nevertheless very real.

In the end, narcissism emerges as a complex phenomenon with far-reaching consequences. While narcissistic traits may be prevalent in society, distinguishing between healthy self-esteem and pathological narcissism is essential for fostering genuine connections and promoting emotional well-being. By understanding the roots of narcissism and its impact, we can pave the way towards empathy, healing, and ultimately, healthier relationships and communities.

If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with a NPD, or for their own mental health, please reach out to us.

Until next time,

Aaron Nicolaides, PhD, LCSW

Therapeuo Health – “Tackling physical and emotional pain.”