Blog Posts

Hey friends, welcome back to the blog.  Today I want to talk about the concept of “control.”  

From a psychological standpoint, control is commonly referred to as a person’s perceived ability to influence their environment, circumstances, or desired outcomes.  People generally like believing they can affect (or control) what happens around them.  Feeling in control helps with a sense of safety, security, and well-being.  Sometimes things like fear of uncertainty and other mental health conditions, such as anxiety, may lead to seeking excessive control over situations.  This can lead to unhealthy controlling behaviors. A healthy level of perceived control can be linked to better mental health, improved coping skills, and a greater sense of agency of your life.  

The concept of “locus of control is a person’s belief about how much control they have over the events of their life. People with an internal locus of control feel more responsibility for their life and their outcomes.  People with more of an external locus of control believe outside forces control their life.  People with an external locus of control are more likely to believe that life events just happen to them and they have little to no control of their outcomes.  People with more of an internal locus of control are more likely to believe they can shape their future through their actions, giving them more feelings of personal power vs hopelessness. 

There are a lot of things that happen around us that are not in our control and yet they are often the things we worry the most about.  Our best chance of having more peace and fulfillment in our lives is by focusing our attention and energy on what we can control.  

There are 3 circles of control.  This concept refers to the things in our lives that we have the power to change or influence.  

The most inner circle is the circle of control.  It is the smallest circle and refers to the aspects of your life that you have direct control of.  This include our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, narratives, and interpretations.  Focusing most of our attention and energy on this circle of control gives us the greatest sense of actually being in control.  In therapy we focus on challenging thoughts, belief systems, and narratives that cause us distress and cause us to feel out of control.  

The second larger circle in the circles of control is our circle of influence.  This is the intersection between what is in our circle of control and what is directly outside of our circle of control but still can be influenced.  This area is more of a grey zone.  Influence does not always determine that change will occur. 

The largest circle is what is considered to be out of our control.  This represents the circle of concern.  This involves the events, situations, and things clearly out of our control and influence.  For us to try and live our most fulfilling lives requires learning to let go of anything in this circle.  

Let’s talk about some ways to focus more on our inner circle of control.  

1. Identify what you can control.  It helps to draw a picture with the 3 circles of control and list anything that comes to mind that falls into your circle of control.  Once we have an idea on what is in our control we can choose to spend more of our time and energy focusing on what is in our control.  I recommend starting with our thoughts, emotions, and narratives we create.

2. Set goals.  Focusing more on what is in your control requires action.  Setting goals and then taking steps to achieve goals helps with taking action.

3. Practice mindfulness and focusing on the present.  When you notice you are feeling out of control starting with some deep breathing and then focusing on what is happening around you and what you have control over in the moment can help you feel a greater sense of control.  

4. Positive reframing.  By challenging thought processes and seeing what can be learned or gained from situations outside of our control we can have a better outcome on how we view situations.  

5. Practicing acceptance.  This involves working on letting go out things outside of your control, accepting there are things that can’t be changed, and focusing on what you can control.

Before wrapping up today I want to acknowledge that there is power in control.  There are a lot of things of concern that happen that are outside of our control.  We can choose to focus on what we have the power to influence and control or everything that concerns us that we have no control over.  Choosing to focus more on what is in your circle of control can lead to greater peace and fulfillment.    

Thanks for reading, until next time.

Emilie Barragan, LCSW

“Tackling physical and emotional pain” – Therapeuo Health