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If I were to ask you, “What are you most deeply afraid of?” Most of you might answer “spiders” or “the fear of heights” or “public speaking.” Yet, you are probably WRONG! 

Many of us can easily identify what things we are afraid of (such as spiders, snakes, heights, or whatever). But few of us can actually identify what is truly at our core of fear.  For example, how many of you can identify with any of these fears:

I am afraid of rejection.

I am afraid of not being good enough.

I am afraid of being broken and not love-able.

I am afraid of being alone.

I am afraid of not having enough.

These fears are just a few. Yet, these five (5) fears rule the majority of our lives!  Yes, there are many more fears we could easily identify with, but I want to quickly show you that what you fear might simply be a minor fear rather than a major or deeper fear.  Fear is one of the most powerful emotions we experience. Fear will over-ride many of our “intentions” for something different.  That underlying Fear will overpower other emotions.  That is “why” so many of us fail to achieve things we desire.  Until we process that Fear and overcome it, it will continually play in the background of life as we know it.

In essence, fear is the emotional response to not being in alignment with our true self.  The fears listed above, are just a few “beliefs” that will keep us living in fear. Thus, the more in alignment we are with our true self the more we can experience true love.  

Much of the love we experience is based upon conditions.  In other words, “If you do ‘this or that’ I will love you.”  How many of us have experienced a love that is unconditional?  Have you ever met someone that sees you for who are truly are and loves you just for being YOU?!

I’ll be honest, fear has ruled the majority of my life.  I have experienced various forms of fear along my journey in life.  As I write this blog now, I am confident in saying that the majority of things I have been afraid of are actually not that powerful to me anymore – some of them are still very real to me at this moment.  As I have continued to learn, grow and accept who I truly am, this has enabled me to thrive.  I am more assertive in what I want and desire in life. 

However, the pursuit of achieving your wants and desires comes at a cost.  What is that cost you might ask?  The cost is simple…go through the process of realizing who you truly are, go beyond the barriers of self-doubt, and then put an eye single on your targeted desire with strong positive emotion. 

“But Aaron, I don’t know how to do that!”  Let me provide some ideas that can help.

First, begin to let that fire burn within you to propel you towards the strong desire to take charge of your life.

Second, find a really good therapist (believe me, not all therapists are good at this, as they haven’t done it themselves) who understands where you are at in this journey on the physical, mental and spiritual levels.  They can help you begin the process and guide you with suggestions.

Third, align yourself with two or three (2-3) people who are truly supportive of you (unconditional love). They will help support you and provide guidance and true love.  These people may have other gifts they can offer you to help.  Personally, I believe this third step is vital.  When you find these people, hang onto them like your life depends on it!  They are rare to find, so cling to them once they are found.

Finally, allow your mind to blow through boundaries, traditions or personal beliefs (paradigms).  I can promise you, only through expanding beyond your current level of understanding will you find and experience true joy in life. 

Within Therapeuo Health, you will find some of the assistance you may need.  Stay tuned for future blog posts that may help you on your journey towards mental, physical and spiritual health!

Aaron Nicolaides, PhD., LCSW