Blog Posts

Hey friends, welcome to the blog this week.  Today I wanted to talked about the loneliness epidemic.  Do you ever feel like no one can understand how you feel? That no one has been in your shoes and can’t relate to what you are going through? Or that no one cares enough to support you in the way you need? 

The current research shows about one in two people report experiencing extreme loneliness. So half are reporting that they are experiencing measurable levels of loneliness.  

One factor I hear come up a lot is the isolation that Covid created.  Although that is a factor, the research reported these numbers before Covid.  I hear a lot of clients tell me that the pandemic changed things for them being forced to stay home more, limit social distance, and limit social interaction.  Some people have struggled to adapt back to things going back to normal.  

Another factor I hear people talk about in regards to loneliness is social media.  We are more connected than ever in regards to social media but I often hear people tell me they feel worse the more time they spend on social media.  This is a combination between choosing to disconnect by scrolling instead of choosing some sort of connection, seeing a lot of what is going well for other people, and falling into comparison traps with other people.  

A lot of people in our culture struggle with perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, difficulty communicating, and being unable to ask for help.  This can look like I have to do everything on my own, everyone expects me to have it all together, I can’t ask for help, needing help means I am weak, etc, etc. 

Any of these things sound familiar so far? Let’s talk about types of loneliness and how we can work on combating loneliness.  

1. Emotional loneliness: this occurs when we feel a lack of meaningful relationships. An example of this is when you feel you need someone to talk to about something emotional and feel you have no one you can talk to about what you are experiencing.  This can occur when don’t have a partner, best friend, or someone who we can connect with emotionally.                                     

2. Social loneliness: this is when we perceive a deficit in the quality of our social connections.  This tends to happen when we spend a lot of time isolated, not interacting with other people, and not having social interactions.                        

3. Collective loneliness: also known as existential loneliness, happens when you are feeling not connected with larger groups or a community.                               

Let’s explore some things we can do to combat loneliness.  In my opinion the first step to help combat loneliness is by opening up.  Whether that be to a support person, finding a support group, or attending therapy.  I feel most connected with people when we can talk about our struggles and when I find out that everyone struggles sometimes.  This helps me not feel alone.                            

Learn to be more comfortable with your own company.  Sometimes loneliness can be connected to low self esteem or self confidence.  Learning ways to practice self care and what adds to comfort can help.  Sometimes self care can include joining a gym or an exercise class. It can include using background noise when living alone.  Trying new things is a process and it’s important to be patient with yourself but not stay stagnant out of comfort.  Making plans with friends can help have something to anticipate and look forward to.                                  

Part of loneliness can include self sabotaging behaviors and thoughts.  The first way to stop self sabotaging is following through with social activities.  The next way is to combat self sabotaging or negative thoughts processes.  Sometimes loneliness can sound like “they don’t like me anyways”, “I am not that fun to be around”, ”there is something wrong with me“, “I am too different”, and “I don’t fit in.”  There are several ways to battle this inner critic including sticking to the facts, asking for clarification, and practice more kind self talk.                                 

Use social media wisely.  Social media can be a form of entertainment and a form of connection.  Limiting time on social media can help avoid mindless scrolling, going down what I like to call comparison rabbit holes, and can help social media stay a positive outlet. If social media has been an area that adds to loneliness it may be time to consider taking a break, making a change, or using other ways to connect with people like FaceTime or playing online games with loved ones.                               

Explore a new hobby or rediscover an old hobby.  Finding something that you can get lost in or get in the zone with can help combat loneliness.  

Explore your why.  Finding something to live for, finding a purpose, giving back through serving others and volunteering can help people feel more connected to others and the world around them.  

Thanks for reading, until next time.  

Emilie Barragan, LCSW 

Therapeuo Health – “Tackling Physical and Emotional Pain.”