Blog Posts

Hey friends. Welcome back to the blog.  Today we wanted to talk about love and what it could mean.  A lot of times in therapy fear and all the feelings that accompany fear come up.  Fear often feels more intense than love.  It is more primal and moves us more in the direction towards what we don’t want.  Sometimes fear is easier.  Often times when people come to therapy they want to stop living in fear of some kind.  Love in all its forms is a way to do that.  Love moves us towards what we want and truly desire – regardless of the hurdles we may need to face to find the type of love we need.

Typically, love is commonly known as a simple four-letter word that carries the weight of the world in its embrace. It’s an emotion that has fueled countless stories, poems, songs, and art throughout the ages, yet its essence remains elusive, its depths unfathomable. At its core, love is a force that transcends boundaries, defies logic, and binds us together in ways we cannot fully comprehend.  Love knows no bounds; it exists in the tender embrace of a parent, the passionate kiss of a lover, and the unwavering loyalty of a friend.

But love is not without its complexities. It can be both a source of immense happiness and profound pain, a double-edged sword that cuts deep into the recesses of our being. We yearn for love, yet we fear its power to hurt us. We open our hearts, only to risk them being broken. And yet, despite the inevitable hardships that love may bring, we continue to seek it out, drawn to its magnetic pull like moths to a flame. Love takes many forms, each as unique and beautiful as the individuals who experience it.

There is the innocent love of childhood, pure and untainted by the world’s complexities. There is the fiery passion of youth, burning bright with intensity and desire.

There is the enduring love of companionship, weathered by time and strengthened by shared experiences. And there is the selfless love of sacrifice, willing to give everything for the sake of another.  This may be from being a parent, showing up as friend, or being a partner who always gives everything they have to the other.  Even if what we have to give at the time is not our full capacity, in the selfless love of sacrifice we give what we have to give in return for the love we receive from others.  Often times in therapy I have heard clients talk about their self sacrifice in the name of love, the people pleasing they do to try and get the love they hope to receive, and how their experiences either move them more toward love and what they want, or towards fear and getting what they don’t want.  Is there a way to communicate and receive love? A famous book entitled The 5 Love Languages attempts to answer this question.

Even though it is simple to read, many yet fail to understand its depth. Quickly, people can tell someone how they want to receive love, but struggle to adapt HOW they SHOW love to others (in the way that person desires and needs it). Thus, when that happens, love fades and the flame is extinguished. When people are not speaking each other’s form of love it can look like miscommunication, unmet needs, unrealistic expectations, disappointment, resentment, becoming defensive and contempt.  The best way to speak others language of love is to understand how they want to receive love and then adapting to that.  If someone likes to communicate, learn to communicate better.  If someone likes physical touch, be aware of how you show this and challenges that may arise with it.  If someone likes to be served, help them with something that lightens their load.  Once one finds the love they seek, and they are able to give the love they desire, hang on tight – for it seems to be a rare occasion in this life. So let us cherish love in all its forms, for it is love that makes life worth living, and love that gives meaning to our existence.

Until next time,

Aaron Nicolaides, PhD, LCSW

Emilie Barragan, LCSW       

Therapeuo Health – “Tackling physical and emotional pain”