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Hey friends, welcome back to the blog.  Today I wanted to talk about a topic that comes up a lot with my clients and that is practicing acceptance.  The act of practicing acceptance may be due to experiencing a loss, letting go of an illusion of control, or just practicing the skill of letting things be what they are.  Acceptance is part of the grief process.  Usually before we accept something, usually in the form of a loss of some kind, we experience some other stages of grief.  

Grief

Grief is a natural response to loss and usually involves some emotional suffering when something or someone is taken away.  Everyone has experienced some form of grief in their life.  Grief can come from losing a loved one, relationship changes/losses, life changes like going to college, becoming a parent, becoming an empty nester, job changes/losses, retirement, and financial hardships.  The stages of grief, in no particular order of experience, include denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance.  

Denial: “This can’t be happening”  Individuals may refuse to accept the fact that a loss has occurred.  They may minimize or deny the situation.

Anger: “Why is this happening to me?”  When an individual realizes that a loss has occurred, they may become angry at themselves or others. They may argue that the situation is unfair and try to place blame.

Bargaining: “I will do anything to change this.”  The individual may try to change or delay their loss.  

Depression: “What’s the point of going on after this loss?”  At this stage the individual has come to recognize that a loss has occurred or will occur.

Acceptance: “It’s going to be okay.”  The individual will come to accept their loss. They understand the situation logically, and they have come to terms emotionally with the situation.  Acceptance involves taking action to manage the situation or loss however you may choose to.

Acceptance

There are many different ways to practice acceptance.  These may include:

1. Modify that critical voice that resides in your head telling you that “you can’t” or “you won’t”.

2. Practice some form of mindfulness to help focus on the present moment and learn to make positive changes.

3. Developing realistic expectations, realizing we are only human and mistakes comes with the territory.

4. “Let things be.” Learning to fully understand that things are the way they are, and we don’t always have to understand why things happen in the ways they do.

5. Practice self compassion, humility, and forgiveness.  This can help us work through the emotions that can come with trying to fight reality.  

6. “Reality acceptance rests on letting go of the illusion of control and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging.”

7. Accepting reality is entirely different from denying it, stuffing down feelings, dissociating, or any of the other unhealthy behaviors humans turn to when they find a situation or emotions intolerable. 

Reality acceptance is acknowledging and allowing all of those feelings to be there in the present moment. It refers to a healthier way of thinking. Instead of focusing on how you would like something to be different, you will recognize and accept the problem or situation as it is. Accepting is not the same as liking or condoning something.

I hope this has helped.  Thanks for reading, until next time.

Emilie Barragan, LCSW 

Therapeuo Health – “Tackling physical and emotional pain”