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I was recently in a session with a client and asked them the question, “Who are you?  They responded with what I had expected to hear; various statements such as “I don’t really know”, “I am so sick and not able to do anything”,  “I am unlucky I guess”  and “I am always catching the latest bug out there and I can’t fight it.”

Statements, especially with the “I am” precursor, can be both powerful and dangerous.

Consider the child (or anyone, really) who continually states, “I suck”, or “I am not good enough I guess”, etc. etc. etc.  What do you think happens when the majority of someone’s self talk is negative or they have a strong negative belief system?  What is the outcome going to be? Is this not nearly 100% predictable?  What if a person continually states, “I am depressed”, “I am anxious all the time”, or “I am not smart enough.”  What is the outcome or behavior we can expect to see?  The answer seems fairly obvious.  Yet, we do it each day.

When encountering the statement “I am …” or similar declarations, it is important to exercise caution and consider several factors. Here are some reasons why:

Contextual Bias: The phrase “I am …” can reflect a person’s self-perception, but it can also be influenced by various biases, beliefs, and emotions. People may use it to project an idealized version of themselves or to make exaggerated claims. It is essential to consider the broader context and gather more information before forming judgments based solely on such statements.

Subjectivity: “I am …” statements are subjective and may not necessarily reflect objective reality. People’s perceptions of themselves can be skewed, and their self-identification may not align with how others perceive them. Recognizing the subjective nature of these statements helps in avoiding over-generalizations or assumptions.

Limited Information: A brief self-assertion like “I am …” provides limited information about a person’s character, abilities, or accomplishments. It is important not to draw sweeping conclusions solely based on these statements. A more comprehensive understanding of an individual’s background, actions, and behavior is necessary to form a well-rounded opinion.

Impression Management: Some individuals may use “I am …” statements strategically to shape how others perceive them. They may emphasize certain qualities or achievements while downplaying or omitting others. Being mindful of potential impression management can help maintain a balanced perspective and encourage a deeper exploration of the person beyond their initial statement.

Self-Deception: People can unknowingly deceive themselves when making “I am …” statements. Cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias or the Dunning-Kruger effect, can lead individuals to overestimate their abilities or overlook their shortcomings. Considering these biases can prevent us from blindly accepting such statements as absolute truths.

In working with athletes (for example) who are seeking to enhance their mental performance.  Do you think it would be okay for me to ignore and not discuss their self-talk?  Behaviors (and performance) can be heavily influenced by what we say and how we define ourselves.  It can either launch you forward…or it will limit and even be destructive.

In summary, when encountering “I am …” statements, it is important to approach them with caution. Considering the context, subjectivity, limited information, potential impression management, and the possibility of self-deception can help us avoid hasty judgments and form a more accurate understanding of individuals.

~Aaron Nicolaides, PhD, LCSW

Therapeuo Health – Tackling Physical and Emotional Pain.